Friend group falls apart after they go on vacation together and one friend refuses to pay his share of the cost: ‘James is no longer talking to us until we start acting like adults’

Author image for Bar Mor Hazut
Bar Mor Hazut • Senior Editor
Feb 2, 2025 9:00 AM EST

Friend groups tend to fall apart over the smallest issues, ones that we often never see coming. We all like to believe that the friendship in our group is so strong that nothing can come between us, but every group has its Achilles' heel, it is only a matter of time before it is found. Some friend groups fade away in time, usually when friends start having romantic relationships outside of the friend group. Other friend groups fall apart over a dramatic event, usually revolving around someone's ego being hurt, money being owed and never returned, or a vacation gone wrong.

For the friend group in the story down below, they had all of the above happen to them, and it wasn't pretty. Out of six friends, three are no longer talking to each other, one of them is being owed a significant amount of money, as the other two can't agree which of them should pay for the holiday they planned.

Keep scrolling to read the full detailed story, and try to determine who is responsible for the friend group's fallout, since the comments below are having a hard time deciding.

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    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • "AITA For refusing to pay for my friend's holiday?"

    A couple of months ago,l and five of my friends planned a holiday together for Berlin. One of my friends, let's call him James, decided it would be easier
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  • if he booked all of the accommodation and we sent him the money for it. We all agreed to this, and I planned to pay for it at the end of the month after I
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  • had gotten paid. However, a week before the trip was to begin, I was no longer able to attend however I promised to pay in full for my part. However, this is
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  • where my other friend, Peter, gets involved. He was part of the original planning of the trip but decided he could not afford it and was thus not included in the booking.
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  • However, once he heard that I was unable to attend but still paying for the room James had booked, he said he wanted to go.
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  • Naturally, everyone agreed that he could and so I didn't pay for my part assuming that Peter would cover it. He did not. The trip went off without a hitch, however, upon
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  • return, James asked me when I was going to be able to pay him back. I was confused because I hadn't gone on the trip and said that it was Peter's
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  • responsibility which made Peter very upset. He said that because I had agreed to go on the trip and had cancelled with such short notice that it was my job to
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  • pay for it as if he hadn't decided to go, the room would have been empty and a waste of money. He argued that because I make more money than him and he couldn't afford
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  • to pay for the accommodation, it was my fault and I shouldn't have planned the trip if I couldn't keep my promises. I would have no problem. paying James for the
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  • money he spent on the room if it had remained empty but the fact that Peter saw that as his chance to have a cheaper holiday is causing me to refuse. As a result of this,
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  • James is no longer talking to either of us saying he will once we can start acting like adults and someone pays him the money. Am I in the wrong?
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  • Edit: names changed to improve clarity Edit 2: to clarify as to why James couldn't cancel the booking, the booking was for a shared six person room so if he cancelled it would not have been possible to rebook
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  • SOF A
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    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • Who do you think is in the wrong here? Is it Peter, the writer, or maybe even James? Who should take responsibility for the lack of communication, and the money that should be paid for James?

    The answer might be obvious to you, but the commenters below found it hard to come to a conclusion, especially since money is still owed to one member of the friend group. 

    Keep scrolling to read what people had to say about this situation.

  • 83poolie NTA You agreed to pay if you were attending and also for the room when you couldn't attend after it was booked. That is more than fair. You didn't agree to subsidise Peter.
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  • Peter is really not a decent friend. It's pretty bold of him to expect he doesn't have to pay given the others going were paying. He has in effect slighted everyone involved. You because he's expecting you to
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  • pay for something he used. Your friend organising because they are now out money they shouldn't be and the others who attended because they've had to pay for the holiday but Peter thinks he is special and gets things for free.
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  • JennyM8675309 NTA. You'd have paid so that nobody was out money for your EMPTY room. Since the room was not empty, the obligation was just sort of shifted from you to Peter. Why should he get a free vacation? Madness.
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  • RoyallyOakie NTA...It's incredible that Peter thought he was just going to get a free vacation. It's doubly incredible that James also thought this was feasible. Just say no and walk away. You may want to rethink these friendships.
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  • similar_name4489 NTA what a ridiculous mess. You should have confirmed beforehand that if Peter was going, you weren't paying even though that's obvious. If Peter didn't want to pay, he should have confirmed before
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  • he left on the trip rather than trying to take advantage. James, if he expected you to still pay, should have gotten the money from you upfront. He didn't that's on him and Peter is the one who actually used the room. You didn't agree to cover Peters cost.
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  • I would clearly tell the group that if they want to subsidize Peter that's on them, they can sort it out as they let him come with them in your place. If they wanted you to pay for him, they needed to confirm. that with you beforehand which they didn't.
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  • catskilkid As an initial matter, James is faultless and should not be owed money that you promised to pay. Peter is trying to pull a fast one and he needs to make an arrangement with you to pay
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  • all or some portion. Peter obtained a free room and that was what prompted him to go apparently. Both you and Peter failed to communicate how this was going to be addressed and that is a
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  • problem. I agree Peter owes something to you, but you and Peter fighting about this is keeping James from getting paid and he WAS NOT PART of this!! so between you and Peter ESH.
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  • Zieglest ESH. You are both leaving James out of pocket and he's the innocent one in the middle of this. You also really should have clarified with Peter what hus understanding
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  • though I would never in a million years expect to pay nothing at all (maybe at best a split) and Peter is definitely the AH for expecting to get it for free.
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